Bill Clinton used to be extremely powerful as the President of the United States, but not even he can overcome a poorly-chosen wedding date.

His and Hilary’s only daughter Chelsea is getting married on 31 July 2010. As soon as I saw the date my heart sank (and it must have spooked another astrologer, Jeff Warren, as well).

The date of your marriage – or starting a new job, house purchase, website launch, or incorporation of a business, for example – is the birthday of that event. Just like a person, an event has its own personality.

On 31 July, there is a tough, uncompromising Mars conjunct Saturn in Libra. Mars rules action, energy, sexual drive and anger while Saturn rules endurance, responsibility, depression, delays and maturity. A conjunction locks two planets together (like strangers in a lift.) Libra, of course, is the sign of marriage, relationships, partnerships and allies. (You can see where this is going, can’t you?)

Mars and Saturn are naturally at odds – Mars wants to floor it, while Saturn wants to slam the brakes on. This is a classic aspect for stress, blocked energies, obstacles and frustration. I’m not crazy on seeing it in a sign that rules marriage.

As well, the Moon is in Aries. The Moon is the planet of home and family, what makes you feel cosy, safe and nurtured. Aries is fiery, impatient, restless and egocentric. A marriage date with Moon in Aries can make it a battle royale of over-achievers at best, a selfish, cold and competitive arena at home at worst.

An aspect that occurs only two days prior, which still has plenty of punch - Mars in Libra opposite rebellious Uranus in Aries on 29 July - only adds to the impatience, restlessness and relationship upsets. And one that occurs three days later on 3 August, Jupiter in Aries square Pluto in Capricorn is equally indicative of pressure from authority (um, guess who?!).

To top it off, there are no water element signs in their marital chart to add some much-needed softness, emotional understanding, intuition and compassion.

Chelsea and her new husband, Marc Mezvinsky, will have to work very hard to not to fight to be top dog in this marriage.

If you’re keen to ramp up the sensuality factor in an existing relatinship, maybe you’re dating someone newish and want to um, seal the deal, or you’ve been together for ages and it’s time to make a commitment, circle Tuesday 13 July.

That date has a very erotic aspect: Venus (love, beauty) in Virgo trine Pluto (depth, sexuality) in Capricorn. When these two planets meet, glances are exchanged, sensuality dominates and no-one wants to stay platonic anymore!

If you’ve been thinking of proposing, this is the best date in July to get engaged. It follows the New Moon in Cancer (New Moons always mean fresh starts, growth and beginnings) and Cancer rules family.

A Venusian Virgo proposal suggests you’ve thought things out romantically with a cool head - it’s not a Las Vegas quickie-style elopement you’re after – and Pluto in Capricorn points to long-term, unconditional commitment.

These two earthy signs want to build something over a long period of time; Venus wants to be adored and Pluto just wants to have sex!

If you have any interest in having children, you could be extra-fertile today…

Hmmm, I really debated about including this info…

Anyway, you know how some people are well, “shit” gift-givers – well it seems that singer Ke$ha is, as well, literally.

Anyone who she considers to have wronged her in some way can expect a nicely gift-wrapped piece of dog poo in the mail for Christmas. These charming little stink bombs are courtesy of the singer’s dogs, although whether the gifts are sent with the dogs’ permission is not known.

Ke$ha had no qualms spilling the beans about this, so to speak, and she admitted that she sometimes uses her music as retaliation towards other wrongdoers. It’s hard to decide which would be worse – to receive a box of doggie doo in the privacy of your own letterbox or to have your transgression recorded for public posterity in a song.

Ke$ha is a Pisces, with Mercury (communication) and Jupiter (optimism, generosity) in Pisces. Normally this would make you rather forgiving, sweet and compassionate and highly aware of karma - especially against wrong-doers.

Unfortunately she has Mars (anger, energy) in Taurus (nature) opposite Pluto (power, taboos) in Scorpio (sex, death, destruction). When someone gets on her bad side she goes well, ape-shit, taking the particularly revengeful route of sending dog poo which would be an upsetting and disgusting gift for anyone.  

Of course, there’s always a positive spin for everything, and perhaps we should be congratulating Ke$ha for switching to gifts that are environmentally-friendly, sustainable and green.

Or in this case, brown.

The US TV show Saturday Night Live has just recorded its highest ratings for the last 18 months thanks to a pre-Mother’s Day show with octogenarian comedienne Betty White.

Millions tuned in to watch the Golden Girl ham it up and show what she’s made of.

Betty is a Capricorn who are known for climbing the career ladder, slowly but surely. They also have the interesting knack of looking younger as they get older! 

What I love about this is that people have finally realised that old people still make great entertainers. Comedians George Burns and Bob Hope performed well into their 90s but until Betty grabbed the attention and affection of enormously influential Hollywood blogger Perez Hilton, no-one else over the age of say, 65, has been in the spotlight.

Betty’s Mother’s Day gift has been to help make the elderly visible and relevant. Imagine – people tuning in to enjoy watching an 88-year-old woman! You can just see the TV executives on their Monday morning meeting, saying, “Right, she was great! Who else is old and funny? The crowd is lapping it up! We better get some more of them.”

With Baby Boomers aged 44-62 and making up the largest slice of the population, ageing is an issue which all companies must face. Older people wield a great deal of wealth and it has been an enormous mistake to present advertising and entertainment centrign mainly on twentysomethings

Pluto which rules power, taboo topics and generational change entered Capricorn which rules old age and the elderly among other things, in November 2008. Pluto takes a looooong time to move through each time but each time, he totally revolutionises it.

Pluto will stay in Capricorn until 2024. By that time, I predict that older people will be represented much more heavily in TV, movies and music (the Rolling Stones are all in their 60s now and will probably still be carrying on in another 15 years).

For ageing mothers everywhere (ever noticed how nearly all the retailers’ ads feature yummy mummies in their 20s or 30s?), Betty’s huge popularity must have been a particularly happy “gift” in time for Mother’s Day.

When I read about singer Katy Perry planning to give her brand-new fiancee, Russell Brand, a lilac Bentley for Valentines Day, I thought, “wooah, there, girl!”

They got engaged very romantically on the Full Moon of New Year’s Eve in India after dating since only September 2009.

Whichever way you cut it, after barely five months, they still don’t know each other very well. Yeah, yeah in THAT sense but it takes time for a person’s chart to unfold.

The strongest aspects around their chart have to do with Uranus (no jokes, please) which indicate sudden, enormous attraction, crackling electricity, independence, unconventionality, friendship, but also a definite on-off quality to their relationship.

The sign your Jupiter is in is where you find fun, joy, generosity, and optimism. Katy has hers in Capricorn. While the Mars-Jupiter conjunction that she has is renowned for being super-impulsive (compulsive, even), Capricorn is not known for being splashy with money and prefers to climb the career ladder, building a solid reputation. She also has the Sun, Moon and Mercury in Scorpio which means she is completely passionate – yet also highly strategic.

While I don’t doubt she fancies Russell’s pants off (his Mars in Aries trines her Venus in Sagittarius – lovely for a romantic, sexual attraction), she’s no fool and knows her flamboyant gesture would get publicised (which kinda ruins the surprise for him).

I’m not convinced that these guys can make it last the distance however. Russell has his Moon, Mars and Jupiter in Aries which means he feels, acts and has fun spontaneously. Plus he’s a Gemini and boy, are they hard to tie down! Katy’s more of a planner so his impulsive proposal may come unstuck as transiting Jupiter and Uranus in Aries (mid-year), Pluto in Capricorn and Saturn in Libra hit their charts over the next couple of years.

Better keep the receipt for the Bentley!!!

A survey of 9,929 US consumers found that the average shopper had done less than half of their Christmas gift shopping as of 12 December. (Have you finished yours?)

Showing we’re a little less organised than last year, the survey by the National Retail Federation found the average shopper had done only 46.7% of their shopping by the end of the second week of December, compared to 47.1% in 2008 – and it was the lowest level since 2004 (back in the good ol’ days when people planned ahead). Thirty-five percent planned to finish their shopping by Saturday 19 December.

The analysts think that shoppers are waiting for last-minute bargains at the department stores and online. Unfortunately, the things you want the bargains for are rarely the things on sale!

The survey also found that a further 42 million people hadn’t even started their shopping as of 12 December which means, oh, complete bedlam at the mall next week. That is, unless they’re taking advantage of Free Shipping Day (17 December)?

I hope so! There’s a “challenging” Sun conjunct Pluto aspect on 24 December, which suggests everyone might get more than a little nasty then as they battle with lack of co-operation, excessive bullying, and control and power issues (sounds like Christmas to me). Count to ten if you feel things are getting out of control, such as other customers abusing sales staff (or vice versa). There could be waaaaaaay too many “”I saw it first!” type punch-ups going on at the mall.

If you’ve got a diamond ring burning a hole in your pocket (or just the urge to propose), Wednesday 28 October 2009 is a lovely day to get down on a bended knee to pop the question!

Venus (the Goddess of Love and Beauty) will be in Libra (the sign of balance, harmony and relationships) which will make a gorgeous trine to Jupiter (the Santa Claus of the zodiac) in Aquarius (friends, hopes and wishes) that day. There is probably no other combination as romantic, lucky, prosperous, abundant and joyous as this aspect!

On the same day there is also Mercury (communication) in Scorpio (sex, insight, psychology) sextiling Pluto (the planet of transformation) in Capricorn (stability, longevity, conservatism). This combination is fantastic for putting a metaphorical jigsaw puzzle together in a long-term way. Hopefully you are the one who “completes” them.

Plus, Saturn (the Pillar of the Community guy) moves into Libra (see above) the very next day. He WANTS you to get married and to make a commitment! How cool is that?!

If your favourite Virgo is celebrating his or her birthday, I hope you’ve marked it in your diary/Outlook calendar, have left enough time to get their present there on time AND call them on the day. Well, they would do it for you! Most Virgos have an amazing memory and mentally file away everyone’s birthdays, anniversaries etc so they can deliver a gift on YOUR day. You might be surprised to know that they’re secretly wounded by people forgetting their birthday and quietly, desperately need you to prove that they’re special.

So, what to get them? One of the nicest things you can give them is a break from the housework that they tend to feel overwhelmed by. When too much is going on in their lives – and it has been thanks to Saturn in Virgo putting immense pressure on them since August 2007 not to mention Uranus in Pisces freaking them right out with undependable partners – they tend to clean, polish, sweep, vacuum, scrub, and wash etc to get some sense of order back. So as you might imagine, they have been cleaning up a storm for a couple of years…Give them a well-deserved break.

They also love a good de-cluttering. They have Pisces on the seventh house of relationships which can make them hate to throw things away that their loved ones have given them and have Sagittarius on the fourth house of home and family which suggests they live with complete grots (sorry, disorganised people). Call in the professional organisers – it will make them silly with happiness!

Saturn in your own sign is, shall we say, a little heavy-going on one’s self-esteem and attitudes towards one’s looks. Is it time for a professional stylist to freshen up their look with more flattering clothes, a haircut or better make-up choices? They just lurrve those makeover shows!

Pluto in Capricorn entered their solar fifth house of love and creativity in January 2009 and will be there until 2024. Pluto rules Scorpio so anything that promotes a bit of lovin’ and kissin’ – can you babysit the kids for the weekend? – is ideal. Virgos love step-by-step manuals and since there are all sorts of interesting how-to books to do with lovemaking, this could be a a naughty thrill!

Jupiter is in Aquarius is their sixth house of work and health until January 2010. Jupiter is what you find fun. Personally I’d like to steer away the emphasis from work for Virgo - it’s waaaay too easy for them to be workaholics – so please don’t give them leather-bound diaries or desk organisers – yuck! Springing for some new bookshelves for their home office - the Expedit ones from IKEA are very popular – might be OK, as might picking up a cute little handbag-sized laptop for them.

Or let’s consider the health side of things. Perhaps you could spring for a personal trainer, a new gym membership, some cute workout clothes, the Low GI Diet book, a delivery of fresh fruit and vegies, or at least a good, deep Swedish massage. The sixth house also rules pets. Have they been pressing their nose up against the puppies’ window at the local pet store or RSPCA? If a little doggie or kitty-kat could fit into their lifestyle, a pet could make a wonderful surprise gift.

Books are also pretty well-received. Since they love to know how things work and what makes people tick, why not check out the latest round of self-help/inspirational books?

Oh boy! I would love to know what is going on with this family!

An 11-year-old in Britain has been reported as the country’s most spoilt child, receiving approximately $300,000 in clothes and gifts (we’re talking about $2,300 a month, EVERY month, people) since she was born.

Her mother Alison MacKay, who must be the world’s best paid hairdresser, apparently started this insane and revolting spending spree since Brogan was born, lavishing her with Gucci loafers before the toddler could walk, giving her the latest Jimmy Choo shoes, Prada, Louis Vuitton and Chanel handbags, as well as a $1,100 flatscreen TV, iPhone and everything else you could poke a maxed-out credit card at.

Alison apparently “can’t go into a shop without buying Brogan something….She’s always been obsessed with her looks and I’m happy to work extra hours to buy her new clothes.”

Her dad is no better. According to Alison, Stephen “doesn’t mind. He just says, ‘Oh, let her have it.’ We have no savings but he believes in living for the day.”

What a psychological smorgasbord for a future counsellor to pick over.

While I don’t have any of their birth charts, Brogan is currently 11 years old. Allowing for this pre-teen to have just turned 11, or about to turn 12, she was born sometime between August 1997 and July 1998. Throughout this year-long period, Saturn was in Aries (between 20 to 29 degrees). Saturn rules what you’re insecure about, feel guilty about, get criticised for and have lessons in which to learn. Aries rules the physical body and is well-known for its overly healthy ego. When Saturn is in Aries, it can make for a person who is hugely insecure about their looks, yet who is also has guilt about feeling that it is ”all about them”. Brogan is going to be in for some pain if she thinks handbags and shoes can make her feel good about herself.

Her parents seem to be lacking that vital body part: a spine. Alison seems to have Neptune (glamour, illusion, addiction) in overdrive, buying her young daughter endless gifts. She “cannot go into a shop without buying Brogan something”. She really needs help! Her Dad is playing Good-Time Dad, which can often be an overly generous, irresponsible Jupiter at large. Jupiter hates responsibility and certainly doesn’t like the idea of savings.

As Pluto works his inexorable way through Capricorn (he’ll be there til 2024), we’ll all be taking much greater financial responsibility for ourselves. Pluto rules resources (anything from mineral to human) and you have to make the most of what you’ve got.  I think that when Brogan’s Saturn in Aries squares Pluto in Capricorn, (from about 2017 onwards), if she or her parents haven’t addressed this, there could be some real tears to be shed.

No, this isn’t a post about whether Sasha and Malia Obama gave their father soap-on-a-rope for yesterday’s Fathers Day celebration in the US, but about his impassioned speech imploring men to be better fathers.

Barack is a regal Leo who wants to be the best at everything he does and one of Leo’s best assets is their regal ability to inspire others. Leos are also noted for their courage so it was fascinating that he said, “Any fool can have a child. That doesn’t make you a father. It’s the courage to raise a child that makes you a father.”

He has roll-up-your-sleeves Mars in Virgo. This is a classic position for working hard, being dutiful, helping with housework and homework and generally being a hands-on, practical Dad. The Mars position in a man’s sign is his quality of action, activity and energy and since Virgo won’t rest until things are seen to, Barack will work very hard to help inspire a sense of duty amongst America’s fathers. Combined with the slow-burn effect of Pluto in Capricorn until 2024, it’s likely that there will be growing disapproval for social instability as well as a swing to extended families to ensure that the burden of child-rearing is shared in society.